Stephen personally led the strategy that propelled his father’s book, Dr. He is the former CEO of Covey Leadership Center, which, under his stewardship, became the largest leadership development company in the world.
Covey is a New York Times and #1 Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The SPEED of Trust-The One Thing That Changes Everything. Covey, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (New York: Fireside, 1989), p. When we get better at seeing how we see, and changing how we see, the emotions and behaviors follow automatically.
The goal here is perceptual intelligence – the knowledge of how perception works and how to work it. If I’m feeling angry and depressed, how might a new view change things? What am I seeing that is creating these emotions? How might I change my view and instantly change my emotions?.
Am I sure I’m seeing things right? Am I listening and observing long enough and carefully enough to get the right view? Are there more constructive ways to see things?.Am I trying to change attitudes and behaviors without changing the perceptions that automatically influence attitudes and behaviors? If so, I’m taking an ineffective approach to change.When we understand how the See-Feel-Act progression works, and start to understand the nature of perception, we can start to work the levers to lead ourselves and others more effectively. This is what it means to “see.” Insight #3: The better we understand the progression, the quicker we can sort out our emotional and motivational lives. We’re constantly making snap judgments about what is happening and how good or bad it is. Instead of acting to confront the situation, Covey now acts to listen and support. Here’s the See-Feel-Act progression with Covey’s two views, and the emotions and behaviors that automatically follow.
Instead of feeling anger, Covey feels compassion. Instead of seeing the man as an irresponsible father, he now sees him as a grieving husband. This new view automatically influences new emotion and behavior. Then the man describes how his wife had died just hours earlier. It takes a lot of self-control for him to confront the man and stay calm. So his take is, This is extremely bad.Ĭovey’s perception automatically influences his emotions. Covey, a father of nine, puts high value on family, fathering, and discipline. Initially Covey sees the man on the subway as an irresponsible father. The way we “see” automatically influences the way we “feel,” which in turn automatically influences the way we “act.” Notice the “automatic influence” in this progression. Insight #1: When perception changes, emotion and behaviors change automatically.Ĭovey’s story reveals what I describe in my recent book as the “See-Feel-Act Progression,” a simple way to show how perception and emotion and behavior work together. Here are the insights I draw from Covey’s story…. Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?” Everything changed in an instant. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior. And because I saw differently, I felt differently. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.” We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. “Oh, you’re right,” he said softly, “I guess I should do something about it. The man lifted his gaze as if he saw the situation for the first time. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?” Eventually, with what I felt was unusual patience, I turned and said, “Sir, your children are disturbing people. I couldn’t believe he could be so insensitive. The man sat next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to his children, who were yelling, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. Then a man and his children entered the subway car. People were sitting quietly, reading papers, or resting with eyes closed. I was riding a subway on Sunday morning in New York. In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, author Stephen Covey tells a well-known story about an incident on a subway…